I shared my new poem with the group but unfortunately I could not share my feedback on Neil's new piece (as posted on his blog) as he could not make the meeting.
Looking forward to meeting in a fortnight, where Dawn is hopefully sharing some more chapters from Sun Charm.
Here is my new poem, I hope you will like it:
Obsidian
Obsidian, the shadow spreads over all
Fragments of sky plummet
to shatter impotently
Acidic, the vice that stills
Pressing down the truth that
pulses through your veins
Breath, the effort to continue
Mind, the roadblock to time
the impenetrable sustenance
Regret, the only flavour as
steps cement to the earth
Sounds hitched to fragile tendrils
Eyes, too blurred with
memories a suitcase
filled to overflowing
I love this poem, it's highly moving and evocative.
ReplyDeletePS - I've re-ordered the chapters for the Sun Charm, so i may end up sharing some new ones and ones you've seen before. I'm just wondering how many to send you as I've now written 32 chapters (most of them are first draft material though and need lots of work!) What do you think?
ReplyDeleteI am so pleased you love the poem, I am quite pleased with it. I would love you to send me all the chapters of the Sun Charm whether they are first draft or not, as I can't wait to read them.
ReplyDeleteOk,I'm happy to send them, although please remember that I have deliberately not re-worked most of them and they still need a LOT of work to bring them up to scratch including more descriptions, more character development, etc. I've also identified several glaring errors and inconsistencies, which I will have to somehow put right!
ReplyDelete